Learning from Jesus: A Way Forward in Difficult Conversations

by Lori Wilson

In our polarized world, many of us find ourselves avoiding conversations that matter most. We worry about offending someone, starting a fight, or damaging relationships we cherish. Yet in families, friend groups, and workplaces across our nation, these unspoken tensions simmer beneath the surface, separating us from one another and from the common ground we might discover together.

I’ve been looking to Jesus as our model for these difficult conversations.

Consider Jesus with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:1-26). Here was a conversation that crossed every social boundary of his time - gender, ethnicity, religion, and moral respectability. Yet Jesus didn't avoid her or the difficult topics that arose. Instead, he remained present, listened deeply, asked thoughtful questions, and spoke truth with compassion. He didn't minimize their differences, but he also didn't let those differences prevent a genuine encounter. Most remarkably, he saw her full human dignity, even when others in his culture could not.

This is what I take from Jesus: staying calm, listening deeply, asking questions that invite reflection rather than demanding answers, and remaining present even when the conversation becomes uncomfortable. His goal wasn't to change people's minds, but to listen and speak, allowing the other—and himself—to learn from each other. He understood that each person before him was beloved by God, regardless of their beliefs, choices, or circumstances. And he knew that a genuine encounter could transform both speaker and listener.

Reflection Questions:

• When I think about a difficult conversation I've been avoiding, what is it that I'm most afraid will happen? What hopes might I also carry for what could emerge?

• How might my conversations change if I truly believed that the person across from me is as beloved by God as I am? What would shift in my heart and my approach?

• Where do I see Jesus modeling the kind of presence I long to bring to challenging conversations? What specific qualities draw me to his example?

• If I began difficult conversations by acknowledging our shared human dignity, how might that foundation change the entire encounter?

• What topics or issues stir the deepest fear in me? What might God be inviting me to explore about these fears?

• How is God calling me to be a bridge-builder in my relationships, my community, or my world?

Prayer for Peace in Difficult Conversations

Loving God, you who created us for relationship and communion, grant us courage to engage rather than avoid, wisdom to speak truth with love, and grace to listen with open hearts.

When fear grips us, remind us of your perfect love. When anger rises, ground us in your peace. When we want to flee, help us to stay present.

May we see in each person we encounter your beloved child, created in your image. Help us to honor the dignity you have given to all, even when we disagree, even when it's hard.

Give us hearts like Jesus - calm in the storm, curious rather than defensive, willing to ask questions that open new possibilities rather than statements that close doors.

Transform our difficult conversations into holy ground where understanding can grow, where wounds can heal, and where your kingdom of justice and peace can take root among us.

Amen.